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菲律賓政府宣布，南沙群島那幾堆海礁，是菲律賓領土。馬尼拉的國會，還有議員提案，不惜出動海軍一戰。消息傳來，午飯時大家肺都氣炸了。「俄羅斯擊沉了中 國船，打瓜了七個中國人，中國人認命，沒辦法，因為列寧和史太林，是炎黃子孫的白種爺爺。」
×君來自武漢，是留學生，來香港兩年，操帶有普通話口音的粵 語，緊握着一杯普洱，手在微微發抖：「賓佬算個什麼東西？給你們香港人開車，他們的老婆，給香港人洗地燒 飯，媽個巴羔的也敢侵略？」「我已經採取了相應措 施，」國難當前，至緊要沉着，我說：「自菲律賓挑釁之日起，我已經對家裏的菲傭，訓話半小時，上地理課，除了申明南沙群島的主權，還着令她星期天去皇后廣 場坐在地上跟一眾姐妹啃雞腿的時候，把中國人民對菲律賓的憤怒，廣泛傳達出去。香港人愛國有責，師奶護土也有責，每次批准你家的菲傭上廁所前，必須大聲斥 問：南沙群島是哪一國領土？非要那位Maria高聲答：China, Madam!才准她解決。」
「有幾個會那麼溫順呢？」秘書Grace說：「平時叫她少打兩個錢斧頭，她都眼瞅瞅，我家那隻衰嘢，我先生也跟她講過南沙問題 的，她一扁嘴，走進工人房不出來。」
「那就快把熨斗插上電掣，燒紅來侍候好了，」×君說：「愛國無罪，賓婆那麼囂張，要予以制裁。」「但香港的司法，不幸 還由港英餘孽把持着，他們不會配合香港僱主的愛國行動的，」我沉吟：「菲傭說 南沙群島是她的，你用熱熨斗燙她的嘴，申張民族大義，不是不可以，但律政司會 控告你傷人，法官夏正民之類，會與美國暗相呼應，重判我們香港師奶同胞入獄的。」「到底是香港人，」×君說：「就是畏首畏尾，跟煲呔一個樣。行政、立法、 司法，要互相支持，為國家主權服務，這是大原則嘛。」我聽了，低頭不語，政治太複雜了，我們香港人不懂。但如果菲律賓政府派海軍在南沙插了旗，香港僱主非 禮菲傭的個案，可能理直氣壯地大增。「你偷雞了我一把，我也那麼狗摸你一下，為什麼不可以？」×君說，仰首大笑，我也在一旁陪笑！哈哈，哈哈哈──高官 們，聽到了沒有？這就是民意了。
The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.
But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.
As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.
Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.
Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.
×君來自武漢，是留學生，來香港兩年，操帶有普通話口音的粵 語，緊握着一杯普洱，手在微微發抖：「賓佬算個什麼東西？給你們香港人開車，他們的老婆，給香港人洗地燒 飯，媽個巴羔的也敢侵略？」「我已經採取了相應措 施，」國難當前，至緊要沉着，我說：「自菲律賓挑釁之日起，我已經對家裏的菲傭，訓話半小時，上地理課，除了申明南沙群島的主權，還着令她星期天去皇后廣 場坐在地上跟一眾姐妹啃雞腿的時候，把中國人民對菲律賓的憤怒，廣泛傳達出去。香港人愛國有責，師奶護土也有責，每次批准你家的菲傭上廁所前，必須大聲斥 問：南沙群島是哪一國領土？非要那位Maria高聲答：China, Madam!才准她解決。」
「有幾個會那麼溫順呢？」秘書Grace說：「平時叫她少打兩個錢斧頭，她都眼瞅瞅，我家那隻衰嘢，我先生也跟她講過南沙問題 的，她一扁嘴，走進工人房不出來。」
「那就快把熨斗插上電掣，燒紅來侍候好了，」×君說：「愛國無罪，賓婆那麼囂張，要予以制裁。」「但香港的司法，不幸 還由港英餘孽把持着，他們不會配合香港僱主的愛國行動的，」我沉吟：「菲傭說 南沙群島是她的，你用熱熨斗燙她的嘴，申張民族大義，不是不可以，但律政司會 控告你傷人，法官夏正民之類，會與美國暗相呼應，重判我們香港師奶同胞入獄的。」「到底是香港人，」×君說：「就是畏首畏尾，跟煲呔一個樣。行政、立法、 司法，要互相支持，為國家主權服務，這是大原則嘛。」我聽了，低頭不語，政治太複雜了，我們香港人不懂。但如果菲律賓政府派海軍在南沙插了旗，香港僱主非 禮菲傭的個案，可能理直氣壯地大增。「你偷雞了我一把，我也那麼狗摸你一下，為什麼不可以？」×君說，仰首大笑，我也在一旁陪笑！哈哈，哈哈哈──高官 們，聽到了沒有？這就是民意了。
The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.
But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.
As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.
Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.
Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.
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