Uptight Flamingos Will Only Have Sex to Marvin Gaye Slow Jams

 

Hey, friend. Let me ask you a question. Are you having trouble getting your flamingos to have sex with each other? Make floppy, grinding bird-love? Well first of all, TBH, I'm a little creeped out by this obsession you have with flamingo sex. But that's just me. You do you, little acorn. But second of all, fret no more, because have I got the flamingo aphrodisiac for you! Flamingodisiac. Aphromingiac. Stick with me here.

Apparently, flamingo keepers at the Drusillas Park in Alfriston, East Sussex (that's in England), were concerned about the lack of sexual chemistry among their flock of endangered Chilean flamingos. In desperation, they began broadcasting Marvin Gaye and Barry White songs "alongside pre-recorded mating vocalisations" to get the man-flamingos and woman-flamingos in the mood.

AND LO DID THE FLAMINGOS RIGHTEOUSLY GET IT ON.

    Now their efforts have paid off following the hatching of a chick to parents Maurice and Gabriella.

    The birth has overjoyed keepers who said it will help boost dwindling numbers of the threatened species.
    Populations have declined in the wild mainly due to water pollution, interference in their wetland habitats, and human activity near breeding sites which leads to birds abandoning their nests.

Now, if I were Maurice and Gabriella, I might go ahead and file a restraining order and/or some kind of invasion of privacy charges against the Daily Mail. Can't a fully-grown, upstanding, tax-paying flamingo (flamingo taxes paid mainly in brine shrimp and turds) pleasure his woman in peace without his seduction techniques being broadcast all over Christendom? No? Okay, then. Barbarous, this modern world. (Confidential to Maurice and Gabriella: Pleeeeeease name your miracle baby Walrus of Love Flamingovich.)